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Beginning again... I'm adding favorite columns, articles, essays and stories. My book of essays was published in 2016. I will attempt to bring the series up to date. Current date is January 2023 and there is much to add. MY WRITING LIFE. SIMPLY SCROLL DOWN...

Monday, October 18, 2010

ASK DEB: October, 2010 Column

Dear Deb,
My elderly mother is a real word game person. She loves any game where you have to make words, but Scrabble is certainly her favorite. I am the youngest of her five children and although I enjoy the occasional word game, Scrabble is long and boring and basically, a real drag. On a recent visit with my mother I offered a game of Scrabble because I'm that kind of daughter. For the first time I only lost by something less than 50 points. I guess that is what prompted said elderly mother to start a game of Lexulous with me on Facebook. Okay, fine, I'll do it. Like I said, I'm that kind of daughter. However.... she never takes her flippin' turn! It has been four days since I played my word (only my second word so obviously we haven't been at this too long) and I know she's alive because my other sister is currently visiting and would have notified me otherwise. Please advise.

Speechless (although not wordless) with frustration.

Dear Speechless (not wordless):
You are hilarious! Strangely enough, your situation with your elderly mother resembles my own! “WTH?”, you're probably saying, you tech savvy person you. The only difference I can see in our two stories is that my older sister (who, as coincidence would have it, is currently staying with my my mom....) is almost as bad as Mom about this stuff... which is to say she is essentially undefeated and un-defeat-able and always gets great words and an extra 50 “flippin’ “ points and I get some dumb-dope line up of letters that includes 4 i's, 3 o's and a u... (and boy does she, eh?)

Add to this my elderly mother's complete disdain for the computer and all technology developed since the 1950's and you have your answer about Lexulous and her not playing her turn. I now play a move at Lexulous only when I've initiated the game and it's going in my favor. Beyond that I will not humiliate myself. Hope this helps. As you can see I am in complete agreement with your frustration and am sure the only people who really need help and advice in this regard are the offending "word-game" freaks. But seriously, folks, don’t we all need to laugh a bit about this stuff to keep us from all out bawling?

BACK TO SCHOOL

A reader writes to last month’s “Scared to Bits”:
Dear Scared to Bits,

For the last year we have struggled with our 20 year old college age son over his lack of accountability while we support him, his huge sense of entitlement, his total lack of communication, and his insistence that even though we are footing the bill, his "lifestyle is nonnegotiable" (an actual quote). This past June we decided we were done being treated with so much callousness and disrespect and cut off all financial support except phone and insurance. He will now have to figure out how to finance his education and pay his rent on his own. We made it clear that we were not cutting off emotional support, so even though he is not in touch with us we still send photos and emails. And we also let him know that if and when he graduates, we will be there to help him pay off his student loans, assuming we are able.

Of course this was painful, but, and this is important, THERE REALLY IS NO PAIN-FREE SOLUTION. Some kids will only learn the ways of the world totally on their own. And it's much better to do it at 20 than at 40 when he is living in your basement because he never had to learn how to support himself. Don't short change him in learning this valuable lesson.

Signed,

Been There


Here’s a Back to School question for READERS:

Pre-schoolers come in all shapes, sizes, colors and temperaments and with every sort of comfort device imaginable, not to mention the idiosyncrasies of their accompanying parents, grandparents and siblings. Yet, here they come, all twenty of them, ages 3-5, blankies, binkies, a soothing clump of mommy’s hair, thumbs and fingers in their mouths, pulling at a favored ear and picking their noses. Many are desperate to hide behind Mom or Dad for fear those grinning teachers will insist they say “Hi!” which to the poor kid is his/her signal to drop all known means of comfort and security and enter the foreign land of “That may be alright at home BUT… this is how we do things in school!” Over the summer months these little ones have perhaps been introduced to a new sibling, moved to a new neighborhood, lost a beloved grandparent and/or participated in freewheeling, unstructured, summer fun.
How, given all this, is a parent to negotiate a comfortable transition for the child without asking the teacher to drop all rules and structure and appearing to ask for unique treatment for their little one?

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